27 October 2011

I Didn't Realize

Four years ago today was a Saturday. 

Forever etched in my mind now. 

I woke up early in DC to meet my favorite person at the airport. 

After months of promises and failed plans, I was so excited to be reuniting with my favorite person. 

I didn't realize.

We laughed and hugged at the exit. 

We headed to my apartment to wake up my roommate and convince her to join us for pancakes at the hole-in-the-wall diner down the street. 

Then the two of us wandered into Chinatown to check out the International Spy Museum. And while we waited for our turn to pretend to be spies, we had a lunchtime cocktail or two as we laughed and caught up on the past.

I really didn't realize. 

Later, after I showed off my emerging culinary skills, my roommate and I took forever, as girls are wont to do, getting dressed up in our various costumes for Halloween dancing that night. 

And he, being a guy, just couldn't understand why we were taking so damn long. So, as a distraction, I gave him a gift I'd had sitting, all wrapped up, on my shelf for almost a year. 

No, I didn't realize. 

Since the gift was supposed to be a distraction while we primped, I gave it to him and bounced out of the room, but what he didn't know was that I kind of stood around the corner, looking just enough to see his reaction as he unwrapped it.

His gift was a framed copy of this picture. 

And even still, I didn't realize. 

I waited a beat or two and walked back in the room and he hugged me. Really hugged me. One of my favorite kind of hugs. I still didn't realize. 

He tried to kiss me. 

I walked out of the room. 

Oh, oh yes, I did. I walked out of the room. 

I realized then. 

Whether I wanted it to or not, everything was changing in those moments. He was my favorite person. He made me laugh and feel beautiful and brilliant and completely at ease with myself. We were friends. And I knew, right then and there, if we kissed, our friendship would change. 

I didn't know if I wanted to take that risk. What if we kissed and it wasn't good? What if we didn't work out? Would we regret it?

And half a heartbeat later, I realized, I really realized, I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to take that risk. Because knowing is better than wondering. 

So I turned around and walked back into the room. 

He looked up and smiled. 

And we kissed. 

Oh, we kissed. 

And we haven't stopped since.

He still is my favorite person. He makes me laugh and feel beautiful and brilliant and completely at ease with myself. We are best friends. We are in love with each other. We fit together.

It's been four years since that night we first kissed, dressed as Mark Antony and Cleopatra and went out dancing with Little Red Riding Hood, and a Pirate, and a Cat. 

It's been four years full of planes and buses and trains between Chicago and DC and Michigan and the Republic of Georgia and Albania. It's been years of Skype dates and curling up on the couch cuddled next to each other under blankets in Albania and Chicago. It's been years of cheating at dominoes and scheming about the puppy we'll get someday and convincing each other to eat that last bite of chocolate. It's been years of sleeping better together and early morning sleepy kisses before work and school. 

It's been four years of magic and mundane. Of fights and laughter. Of certainty and uncertainty. Of challenges - countless challenges. 

But it's been four years, together, in love. 

It hasn't always been easy, but it has always been worth it. It really has been worth it all. I really do realize that now.

My Love, I can't wait to see what the future brings. Just as long as we're side by side. And kissing each other. 


Ariel Tyler said...

This post made me so happy! Adorable!

KT Mac said...

Thanks Ariel! It certainly makes me happy now to realize how happy we are together. Welcome!