10 January 2011

On a Dime

You ever get the feeling that bad news is on the way?

That life, as you know it, will change on a dime?

And even if you don't admit it to others, you wait calmly for that news?

Which, when it arrives, suckerpunches you quickly, but before you can bend over to catch your breath, you realize, "Actually, this will be okay after all," and it doesn't hurt anywhere as badly as you expected to?

I got that news today. 

I had an inkling of a suspicion last week when they went in to have a lump on her jaw biopsied and sent her to the cancer center for the biopsy.  

And a louder suspicion when the doctors called and insisted Mom and Grandma come in to discuss the results as soon as possible. 

And it makes me sad.  But truthfully, I really am okay with this news. 

Surprisingly so. 

Grandma has lived a full and rich and wonderful and loved life.  So whatever happens next, I am okay with it. In fact, I think I am more surprised and amazed at how little such powerful news hurts right now.  

So now, more tests this week to determine the stage of the cancer and how far it has spread.  Then treatment (or non-treatment) decisions will be made.  

And I'm sitting here, thanking my lucky stars that I now live close enough to home that I can hop a bus and work from Michigan just as easily as from Chicago, so I can be there with my Grandma as she needs me.  

In the meantime, I think I need to go find a box of Grandma's favorite candies to send to her, along with some red flowers (because red is her favorite) just to put a little smile on her face.

1 comment:

Mb said...

Aw KtMac, I just wanna give you a big hug when I see you.