10 June 2009

Writing to Forget

Memory is a tricky thing.

Seems like I can never remember what it is that I wasn't supposed to forget. Like the secure hiding spot for that perfect Christmas present, or the funny thing I wanted to tell someone who would laugh with it.

Then of course, I always remember the really random things. Like the phone number to the house of my grade school best friend, or that my high school photography teacher was tardy to class one day because he ran home to get an iron. Seriously? I remember that?

There are things that you would think I would remember but apparently forgot. Like the icky medical things that happened the day the doctor finally agreed to go ahead and do the cochlear implant surgery, or a few kind of embarrassing to admit that I forgot things. Nope, nice try, not going to admit those here either.

There are things I will never forget, no matter what. That I was Papa's Girl, or the way My Love first said, well, you know, or the way my Mom patiently, line-by-repeated-line, taught me all the lyrics to my first loves - The Backstreet Boys. Yes, you read that correctly - I once knew every lyric to the Backstreet Boys' first CD. Gee, embarrass myself much? (With my family, I'm more or less immune to embarrassing childhood memories now.)

I am a thinker. I ponder. I daydream. I wonder. I ruminate. I obsess over things said or done or not said or.....you get the point. I worry. And when I get a thought in my head, there it stays, like that tiny pebble in your shoe, until I find a way to let it go.

And for me, the only way I can do that is to write. I write to forget. I obsess and ponder and wonder over a thought until it is polished smooth and then I write it down in my journal. By the time I'm done writing, I'm exhausted, and that stubborn thought is no longer in my head.

I've kept some journals. Others, I've eventually gotten rid of. Some things I like to look back and think about from time to time. Others, once I wrote them down, I set myself free from those thoughts. No need to hang onto those journals if I've made my peace with the past.

So, as I've been thinking about this past year - all the ways I may or may not have changed, the people who have come into and left my life, what I learned, what I rediscovered, the funny, the extraordinary, the mundane daily things that have happened - I was suprised to discover just how helpful this blog has been in helping me to remember what I'd already forgotten. So much so, that I'm discovering that writing to remember is a great thing too.


Shareece said...

Hmmmmm....So should I not comment on the Backstreet Boys part?! I think I have a few things to say about it! LOL! :o)

KT Mac said...

Ha. I have no doubt you do. But if you make comments about my beloved boys, I'm sure I'll have a few comments about crying little old ladies! ;-)